Billings, Josh
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Billings, Josh
When a man gets talking about himself, he seldom fails to be eloquent and often reaches the sublime.
Billings, Josh
Eloquence
The happiest time in a man s life is when he is in the red hot pursuit of a dollar with a reasonable prospect of overtaking it.
Billings, Josh
Business
Reason often makes mistakes, but conscience never does.
Billings, Josh
Conscience
There s a great power in words, if you don t hitch too many of them together.
Billings, Josh
Brevity
Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done.
Billings, Josh
Common Sense
Don t take the bull by the horns, take him by the tail; then you can let go when you want to.
Billings, Josh
Control
I have lived in this world just long enough to look carefully the second time into things that I am the most certain of the first time.
Billings, Josh
Certainty
Experience is a school where a man learns what a big fool he has been.
Billings, Josh
Experience
Always live within your income, even if you have to borrow money to do so.
Billings, Josh
Debt
Experience increases our wisdom but doesn t reduce our follies.
Billings, Josh
Experience
Never run into debt, not if you can find anything else to run into.
Billings, Josh
Debt
A good way I know to find happiness, is to not bore a hole to fit the plug.
Billings, Josh
Happiness
As a general thing, when the woman wears the pants in the family, she has a good right to them.
Billings, Josh
Marriage
A puppy plays with every pup he meets, but an old dog has few associates.
Billings, Josh
Friends and Friendship
The miser and the glutton are two facetious buzzards: one hides his store, and the other stores his hide.
Billings, Josh
Glutton
There s lots of people who spend so much time watching their health, they haven t got time to enjoy it.
Billings, Josh
Health
If you ever find happiness by hunting for it, you will find it as the old woman did her lost spectacles. Safe on her own nose all the time.
Billings, Josh
Happiness
There are two kinds of fools: those who can t change their opinions and those who won t.
Billings, Josh
Fools and Foolishness
Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.
Billings, Josh
Flattery
Honesty is the rarest wealth anyone can possess, and yet all the honesty in the world ain t lawful tender for a loaf of bread.
Billings, Josh
Honesty
Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn t be any fun living in it, or profit.
Billings, Josh
Fools and Foolishness
The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his way.
Billings, Josh
Fools and Foolishness
There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.
Billings, Josh
Forgiveness
If there was no faith there would be no living in this world. We could not even eat hash with any safety.
Billings, Josh
Faith
The more humble a man is before God the more he will be exalted; the more humble he is before man, the more he will get rode roughshod.
Billings, Josh
Humility
There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can t tell the truth without lying.
Billings, Josh
Exaggeration
Threescore years and ten is enough; if a man can t suffer all the misery he wants in that time, he must be numb.
Billings, Josh
Life and Living
Woman s influence is powerful, especially when she wants something.
Billings, Josh
Power
I honestly believe it is better to know nothing than to know what ain t so.
Billings, Josh
Knowledge
Incredulity is the wisdom of the fool.
Billings, Josh
Incredulity
Love is said to be blind, but I know some fellows in love who can see twice as much in their sweethearts as I do.
Billings, Josh
Love
The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord it ain t the gout.
Billings, Josh
Medicine
Life is short, but it s long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined.
Billings, Josh
Life and Living
Knowledge is like money: the more he gets, the more he craves.
Billings, Josh
Knowledge
The trouble with most folks ain t so much their ignorance as knowing so many things that ain t so.
Billings, Josh
Knowledge
Don t put off till tomorrow what can be enjoyed today.
Billings, Josh
Procrastination
Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.
Billings, Josh
Life and Living
Poverty is the step-mother of genius.
Billings, Josh
Poverty and The Poor
To enjoy a good reputation give publicly, and steal privately.
Billings, Josh
Philanthropists
Don t mistake pleasure for happiness. They are a different breed of dogs.
Billings, Josh
Pleasure
Remember the poor, it costs nothing.
Billings, Josh
Poverty and The Poor
Consider the postage stamp, my son. It secures success through its ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.
Billings, Josh
Perseverance
Pity cost nothing and ain t worth nothing.
Billings, Josh
Pity
I am a poor man, but I have this consolation: I am poor by accident, not by design.
Billings, Josh
Poverty and The Poor
There is no greater evidence of superior intelligence than to be surprised at nothing.
Billings, Josh
Surprises
I haven t got as much money as some folks, but I ve got as much impudence as any of them, and that s the next thing to money.
Billings, Josh
Money
A good place to visit, but a poor place to stay.
Billings, Josh
Places
Men mourn for what they have lost; women for what they ain t got.
Billings, Josh
Men and Women
About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.
Billings, Josh
Plagiarism
If a man should happen to reach perfection in this world, he would have to die immediately to enjoy himself.
Billings, Josh
Perfection
Music hath the charm to soothe a savage beast, but I d try a revolver first.
Billings, Josh
Music
Don t ever prophesy; for if you prophesy wrong, nobody will forget it; and if you prophesy right, nobody will remember it.
Billings, Josh
Prophecy
Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel.
Billings, Josh
Mother-in-Laws
Time is like money, the less we have of it to spare the further we make it go.
Billings, Josh
Time and Time Management
It is much easier to repent of sins that we have committed than to repent of those that we intend to commit.
Billings, Josh
Repentance
Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute.
Billings, Josh
Silence
As long as we are lucky we attribute it to our smartness; our bad luck we give the gods credit for.
Billings, Josh
Success
Most people repent their sins by thanking God they ain t so wicked as their neighbors.
Billings, Josh
Repentance
I don t care how much a person talks, if they only say it in a few words.
Billings, Josh
Speakers and Speaking
It s not only the most difficult thing to know one s self, but the most inconvenient.
Billings, Josh
Self-knowledge
As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.
Billings, Josh
Truth
Old maids sweeten their tea with scandal.
Billings, Josh
Scandal
It s not only the most difficult thing to know one s self, but the most inconvenient.
Billings, Josh
Self-discovery
The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust.
Billings, Josh
Self-control
Never work before breakfast. If you have to work before breakfast, get your breakfast first.
Billings, Josh
Work
One of the rarest things that a man ever does, is to do the best he can.
Billings, Josh
Quality
It is better to know nothing than to know what ain t so.
Billings, Josh
Attitude
Advice is like castor oil, easy to give, but dreadful to take.
Billings, Josh
Advice
Adversity has the same effect on a man that severe training has on the pugilist -- it reduces him to his fighting weight.
Billings, Josh
Adversity
I have never known a person to live to be one hundred and be remarkable for anything else.
Billings, Josh
Age and Aging
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.
Billings, Josh
Animals
Wisdom has never made a bigot, but learning has.
Billings, Josh
Bigotry
Most people when they come to you for advice, come to have their own opinions strengthened, not corrected.
Billings, Josh
Advice
The thinner the ice, the more anxious is everyone to see whether it will bear.
Billings, Josh
Anxiety
In youth we run into difficulties. In old age difficulties run into us.
Billings, Josh
Age and Aging
It ain t so much trouble to get rich as it is to tell when we have got rich.
Billings, Josh
Wealth
Some folks are wise and some otherwise.
Billings, Josh
Wisdom
To bring up a child in the way he should go -- travel that way yourself.
Billings, Josh
Upbringing
There is a significant Latin proverb; to wit: Who will guard the guards?
Billings, Josh
Vigilance
It is a statistical fact that the wicked work harder to reach hell than the righteous do to enter heaven.
Billings, Josh
Wickedness
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
Billings, Josh
Youth