Nash, Ogden quotes
1902-1971 American Humorous PoetA door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
Nash, Ogden
Dogs
They take the paper and they read the headlines. So they ve heard of unemployment and they ve heard of bread-lines. And they philanthropically cure them all by getting up a costume charity ball.
Nash, Ogden
Charity
I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it.
Nash, Ogden
Conscience
There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all.
Nash, Ogden
Conscience
The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control.
Nash, Ogden
Happiness
No matter how deep and dark your pit, how dank your shroud, their heads are heroically unbloody and unbowed.
Nash, Ogden
Grief
There is only one thing for a man to do who is married to a woman who enjoys spending money, and that is enjoy earning it.
Nash, Ogden
Marriage
To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you re wrong, admit it; whenever you re right, shut up.
Nash, Ogden
Marriage
A husband is a guy who tells you when you ve got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.
Nash, Ogden
Husbands
Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.
Nash, Ogden
Life and Living
Man is a victim of dope in the incurable form of hope.
Nash, Ogden
Hope
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open.
Nash, Ogden
Marriage
How easy for those who do not bulge to not overindulge!
Nash, Ogden
Obesity
Professional men, they have no cares; whatever happens, they get theirs.
Nash, Ogden
Professions and Professionals
Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long.
Nash, Ogden
Progress
Here is a pen and here is a pencil, here s a typewriter, here s a stencil, here s a list of today s appointments, and all the flies in all the ointments, the daily woes that a man endures -- take them, George, they re yours!
Nash, Ogden
Office
Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn t it, of a long line of proven criminals?
Nash, Ogden
New Year
I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons.
Nash, Ogden
News
Whether elected or appointed he considers himself the Lord s anointed, and indeed the ointment lingers on him so thick you can t get your fingers on him.
Nash, Ogden
Politicians and Politics
Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.
Nash, Ogden
Parents and Parenting
And one of his partners asked Has he vertigo? and the other glanced out and down and said Oh no, only about ten feet more.
Nash, Ogden
Suicide
Indoors or out, no one relaxes in March, that month of wind and taxes, the wind will presently disappear, the taxes last us all the year.
Nash, Ogden
Seasons
The further through life I drift the more obvious it becomes that I am lacking in thrift.
Nash, Ogden
Thrift
Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind.
Nash, Ogden
Repentance
One man s remorse is another man s reminiscence.
Nash, Ogden
Remorse
I don t mind their having a lot of money, and I don t care how they employ it, but I do think that they damn well ought to admit they enjoy it.
Nash, Ogden
Riches
The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin and grin.
Nash, Ogden
Sin
Children aren t happy with nothing to ignore, and that s what parents were created for.
Nash, Ogden
Children
Good wine needs no bush, and perhaps products that people really want need no hard-sell or soft-sell TV push. Why not? Look at pot.
Nash, Ogden
Advertising
Middle age is when you ve met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.
Nash, Ogden
Age and Aging
The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk.
Nash, Ogden
Animals
Candy, is dandy, but Liquor, is quicker.
Nash, Ogden
Alcohol and Alcoholism
If you don t want to work, you have to work to earn enough money so that you won t have to work.
Nash, Ogden
Work
Your hair may be brushed, but your mind s untidy. You ve had about seven hours of sleep since Friday. No wonder you feel that lost sensation. You re sunk from a riot of relaxation.
Nash, Ogden
Weekends
If you are really Master of your Fate, it shouldn t make any difference to you whether Cleopatra or the Bearded Lady is your mate.
Nash, Ogden
Wives
People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.
Nash, Ogden
Wages